Summer 2017
After a positive second scan when they could see a developing yolk sac (where baby will start to grow), my excitement levels grew.
Sadly since then my symptoms have been steadily reducing. My heart rate is dropping day by day (should be about 20bmp more than usual to accommodate your growing blood volume), pains have all but stopped and growing lady assets are all back to normal. I’m so certain it’s already gone.
I’m trying hard to be optimistic and not consult Dr google, which of course I have done… numerous times!!!
In summary; Fluctuating pregnancy symptoms are normal (annoyingly! How are you supposed to know if everything’s ok?!) and 1:5 early pregnancies result in early miscarriage (ie in the first 12 weeks).
I’m still so early I shouldn’t even really know yet (wonder if that would actually have been easier). Too much time alone to think and the resulting anxiety is compounded by the fact I haven’t told family or friends. I don’t want them to get excited and then be disappointed if I miscarry, deciding not to tell anyone until I know its viable and more likely to be ok (quite a few more weeks yet!). I think part of this is also allowing me time to process it all myself.
I literally feel nothing now, after having various signs for the last few weeks. Every time I go to the toilet I’m sure I’m going to see blood. Horrible, but so far this isn’t the case.
On speaking to the early pregnancy unit, they bought forward my next scan by two days and again warned me that given how early it is and the problems so far, it might not be good news.
After two days anxious wait, the scan showed a very tiny heartbeat. It was such a relief! The midwifes weren’t able to give an explanation re why my symptoms had gone and reiterated that I’m not out the woods yet and this could be a sign of things slowing down.
I think the worst thing is the waiting. There’s nothing you can do. It’s out of my control (which anyone who knows me will realise is not my favourite!!). I either have to wait until there are signs of definite miscarriage, or keep everything crossed that things are ok on the next scan, which is an agonising 5 more weeks away.
Knowing friends who have sadly miscarried at 7-9 weeks and knowing the stats of 92-96% likelihood of going on to continue a full pregnancy if you have a fetal heartbeat at the end of 8 weeks, I don’t know if I can wait til 12 weeks. I think maybe a private scan in a few weeks time will help settle my mind. On one side, if things go wrong, it seems more bearable to have not bonded for more and more weeks with something that might not be there anymore. On a more positive note, I’m excited to see the baby again, hopefully with a strong beating heart and stumpy little limbs.
For now I have to find some patience and get used to the waiting! (Oh and try not to give the game away!)
louiseclark82 